I've always had this dream of doing something I really believe in. Filling a need, fueling a worthy cause. Life is an odd mix of chaos and stagnant reliability.
A person's own sanity in a world like ours could drive anyone mad under the right chemical and environmental factors at play. I can totally understand why a person would choose to stay hidden within their own mind rather than come back out and see all of this wildness.
An imaginary world is salvageable. This one feels overwhelming, angry and like it's not open to suggestions anymore.
I think self-righteousness and idealism have turned some of the medical community's most useful members into a bunch of hateful bullies. They forgot why they came to do this work in the first place: to help people. But now they're hellbent on not being "tricked" and they don't even consider that what we want from them is exactly what we're asking for-- an explanation for our current state.
I want to write 100 letters to doctors in my area. ( This is going to be part of my KPI measurement for Unconventional Advocacy)- Key Performance Indicator. Basically a way to measure how well you're doing with the SMART goals already worked in.😁
KPIs are a SMART way to track your business, and by that, I don't just mean clever. If you're not familiar with the SMART goal planning method, then you can check it out below:
KPI#1
I want to write 100 letters to doctors in my area in an effort to reach out and effectively communicate our need to them. Every time I have to waste weeks, months and money looking for a new doctor, my depression worsens. My mood dips and hopelessness creeps in sooner than it would have without such negative stimuli.
Being gas lit by my PCP or any doctor has shamed and traumatized me for years. It's no wonder I haven't been able to get any relief from my symptoms. My doctors and I were never on the same page. Our communication was crappy at best. It was mostly them not taking me seriously and me not wanting to argue about something that was destroying my life.
With these letters, I hope to change the dynamic of doctor patient relationships by opening doors that will improve communication about recourses such as case management, psychological advocates (like my mental health care team) and empathetic primary care physicians who are willing to work with other members of your care team.
One of the most detrimental experiences I've ever had to my health (and this has happened 6 or 7 times) has been when the PCP or LPN berated, shamed or snidely commented on my psychological medication list in a general clinical setting.
I've been lucky enough to receive kindness and advocacy from TWO PhD holding professionals thus far and I've met hundreds. What's worse, I feel like I've paid hundreds... Oh wait, I did.😒🤦♀️
I cannot change that I am exhausted all the time-- but I can change who I tell about it. I can honor my instincts and ask those questions I want to ask potential caregivers about who they are as people before I ever get into that claustrophobic little room with them. Before they stare at me openly observing me be anxious and terrified. Health/ medical trauma is real. It serves to only complicate things further when you live with a chronic not fully diagnosed issue that makes you want to jump off a bridge 5 to 362 times a year.😊
In closing, I wish you the best on your mental and medical health journeys. Take care of yourselves first, then take care of each other.
Much love, fam.
😊💜
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