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I've always had this dream of doing something I really believe in. Filling a need, fueling a worthy cause. Life is an odd mix of chaos and stagnant reliability. 

A person's own sanity in a world like ours could drive anyone mad under the right chemical and environmental factors at play. I can totally understand why a person would choose to stay hidden within their own mind rather than come back out and see all of this wildness.

An imaginary world is salvageable. This one feels overwhelming, angry and like it's not open to suggestions anymore. 

I think self-righteousness and idealism have turned some of the medical community's most useful members into a bunch of hateful bullies. They forgot why they came to do this work in the first place: to help people. But now they're hellbent on not being "tricked" and they don't even consider that what we  want from them is exactly what we're asking for-- an explanation for our current state.

What goes through your head when you're at work and freaking out? Seriously? Have you ever tried to retrace a freak-out after the fact?

Sometimes it's nearly impossible to do.

It's a question I've asked myself time and time again. When I'm freaking out (crying uncontrollably, feeling trapped and claustrophobic, hardly able to move because I'm so exhausted from the emotional turmoil, a mind full of racing thoughts; I couldn't tell you what was going through my head during the panic attack. 

I don't understand this. Metacognition is the act of thinking about thinking. If I'm having a panic attack and I think about thinking why can't I list the topics or even repeat the words that are racing through my head?

My theory is because we are not thinking words at this point. I think we merely perceive that we are thinking words, but they are just feral emotions of fear and panic.