4:33am*
I get up. It's hard to sit up. Feels uncomfortable, like I'm forcing myself to stretch. My night clothes are drenched**. I change them for a second time tonight then reset my alarm and lay there.
*With clinical depression, early rising is a presenting symptom. I've done a significant amount of research on why it is that clinically depressed people wake up so early, but I've yet to find much conclusive information on the reason for it one way or another.
**Night sweats are also prevalent when it comes to antidepressant medications and other medicines used to treat melancholia. Cancer is also a reason for night sweats according to Google. These types of sweats are described as "drenching", much like the night sweats I experience on a regular basis.
Body aches and muscles are sore. The sinew burns when I move, and it drives me nuts. At first, I can't stand it, so I go back to sleep.
5:45am
I get up again with a hard time. I shake my head and groan a lot. Like I'm trying to shake off the pain and discomfort. Breathing in isn't satisfying. The oxygen doesn't feel like it's doing anything helpful.
I'm cold and clammy from all the sweat and I smell sour. I haven't bathed in 3 days.
I sit on the couch, at my computer desk and back on the bench at the end of my bed all trying to get the energy to take a shower for my 8:30am appointment with my psychiatrist.
