To answer these questions for you in the same manner that I answered them for myself, I will regurgitate what I have learned over many vast internet searches connecting some of the most obscure corners of the topic of mental illness.

How bad is my mania?

Often times when I am manic, I have done some very embarrassing things such as text other people's boyfriends about things that are not important, call everyone in my phone book, overspend, create/ create/ create, write anything and everything I can think of-- usually it's along the lines of “I'm going to finish this manuscript I've been working on for x amount of years, because I feel capable.”

“Is this even mania?”

Another symptom of my mania is it feels easier to walk. Like walking on air, with the best insoles that money could buy. Instead of mania's crappy counterpart: depression. Ask any bipolar person (who doesn't have horrific hallucinations with their mania) if they prefer walking through sludge or on air. I often described my depressive episodes as having a feeling of leaden paralysis.

"Does everyone with mania get euphoria?”

No. Some people feel this agitated depressed feeling called hypomania. Ever feel like yu don't know what to do; or you just keep pacing around "about to do something" but you can't relax or concentrate enough to do the thing? Hypomania. Ever feel like you could run a marathon and beat out all of your co-workers with your physical prowess, but some sad sinking feeling in your gut makes you cry even though nothing is really wrong?

Ever get anxious while in a depressive state, and all you want to do is sleep but you can doze off good, and you never feel rested, but you don't feel like doing much either although, physically if you had to, you could.

“Is it bad enough to consider going to the hospital?

I hate to be the voice of reason, but in most cases if you go to the ER for mania, they'll give you something to calm you down and stop the delusions if you've been hit so hard with racing thoughts that you lose touch with reality.

It upsets me that mania is taken more seriously than severe debilitating depression. Depression slowly kills; mania can be the wrecking ball that breaks your life.

I went to the hospital once for suicidal thoughts and got triaged for 7 1/2 hours and the waiting room was emptier than a church on Friday night.

Yes, you should go to the hospital if you can't tell if you're having a remembered dream or a flashback from yesterday afternoon. 

Mania can destroy your life because you feel less fear, more capable and you're unable to see how far your perception has deviated from reality.

“What is grandiosity?" 

Ever called a person and asked for a favor just because you knew you could? How about imaginary conversations that you imagine your superiors have about you behind closed doors at work because you're so good at your job? 

Maybe once or twice you spent a lot of money because you were bored or getting ready too implement a huge project (with less than a reasonable amount of time to plan for the task) and you find yourself short on your electric bill for the month?

Now, I won't say that grandiosity is the same as my hope that I will finally finish a full-length novel during a manic episode, but it is a surge of confidence that should not be ignored. 

A lot of my manic symptoms have to do with being able to take on larger tasks and break them down into goal-oriented smaller steps, these events being juxtaposed against the normalcy of low moods and stiff limbs, the ins and outs of cyclothymia are hard to understand. 

“How do I know if I'm manic or hypomanic?

Mania and hypomania are easy to miss. Most times they're mild. At first they feel like a good mood and you think you're getting better.

I think they're even hard to understand for medical doctors. Physicians have no frame of reference for most cases of mental illness, unlike psychiatrists and neuropsychologists. General practitioners deal with tangible issues, not the intangible essence that is "consciousness" and personality and the why behind all of it.

____________________________________________________________________________

We hope to open a store with some pretty cool and classy MERCH soon to support and fund our magazine. We hope it's publication will spark conversation and help to eliminate or reduce many of these unnecessary medical issues being faced by humans today.

Remember, you're not alone, you just need an advocate...